Harvey’s Partner (Transcript)
Scene I: Time to Go Home (The episode starts with a shot of the bathroom door.) Calvin (voice): You have got to be the most idiotic imbecile I have ever met in my six miserable years of life! (Cuts to the inside of the bathroom, where Calvin and Isaac are standing, and Calvin is holding a dirty and smelly trumpet.) Isaac: I’m sorry Calvin, but the toilet was really clogged with all that toilet paper, and your trumpet was the closest to a plunger. Calvin: Well, tell Norman to use wipes next time. And make sure they’re recyclable! Or, JUST CALL THE JANITOR!!! Isaac (sarcastic): Um...yay Calvin! You celebrate Earth Day! (3-second pause) Calvin: Bite me! (The bell rings. Cuts to Calvin and the other students running out the door.) Calvin: FINALLY, THE RELIEF HOURS! (Calvin starts walking to the bus stop. He walks past a blonde haired man in a suit.) Scene II: Bribing Calvin Harvey: Hey You! Calvin: You’ve got the wrong you. Harvey: No, seriously! You’re the dumb little freak, right? Calvin: Yes, but dumb is the wrong adjective. Harvey: Whatever, English Professor. So, anyways, do you have experience in theft? Calvin: No. Harvey: Do you want to help me steal the Silver Bronco, the good luck charm of the school. Calvin: You’re Spittle’s replacement, right? Harvey: Yes. Calvin: To answer your question, no. Harvey (sarcasticly): Do you want to go home and forget everything you learned today? Calvin: Yes. (Calvin continues walking. Harvey follows him and goes down the bribing route.) Harvey: I’ll pay you tons of money! Calvin: I have an allowance. Harvey: I’ll give you a manicu-ACTUALLY, NO! I WILL NOT! (Calvin reaches the bus stop. Harvey prepares his final bribe.) Harvey: OK! You win...MILK FOR BRAINS!! I guess I’ll have to find somebody else to steal the Bronco and get the fame. (As Calvin studys the bus schedule, his eyes widen when he hears ”the F word”.) Calvin: Fame? Harvey: Fame and no shame! I have the 100% uttermost capabilities to make you a celebrity if you steal the amazing Silver Bronco! This is an opportunity you shouldn’t pass up! Calvin: I am not that stupid! Harvey: Great! Now all you have to do is- (Harvey looks to see that Calvin has run off.) Harvey: And, he’s already running home to get equipped. (Tiger Stripe Wipe) Scene III: The Heist Begins (Cuts to Calvin in the dark and unlively school. He is now wearing a black hoodie, face paint and a Cleveland Browns Beanie. He opens his desk to reveal an arsenal of heist weapons he has been hiding for years.) Calvin: I knew these babies would come in handy someday! Now, all I have to do is sneak into the Library, unscrew the glass case, take the Bronco, give it to Harvey, and become rich and famous! (Calvin kicks down the Library door and is about to screw open the glass case when he sees the hallway light turn on.) Calvin: Oh, Shoot! (Calvin panics before hiding in a cabinet. The janitor locks a door.) Janitor: Forgot to lock up the cleaning tools! (He notices the busted-down door) Janitor: why is the door to the Library busted down? Oh well, probably just those idiots from Thomasville. (The Janitor turns off the lights and leaves. Calvin pokes his head out of the cabinet.) Calvin: Phew! What a dumbell! Now back to stealing. (Before Calvin can exit the cabinet, he sees a label.) Calvin: “Mrs. Greene’s Scorpion Collection”? (Some scorpions grab Calvin and pull him inside the cabinet. The begin clawing at him for a few moments before Calvin escapes with bruises and cuts all over his face.) Calvin: Trauma! (Calvin shakes off his cuts and begins walking toward the glass case in which the Bronco is kept. He begins trying to unscrew it.) Come on, you stupid thing! Unscrew! (He manages to get one screw out, which bounces around the room and lands back in, tighter then ever. Calvin gets really angry and repeatedly hits the case with a cinder block, also unsuccessful. Next he takes out an axe. Calvin: GLASS CASE!! PLEASE GO AND GET SEVERELY MAIMED!! (He hits the case with the axe a few times. During his fourth swing, the axe bounces back into his forehead, leaving an indent. Calvin: Ow! Coming Soon!